Tuning a MySQL server in 5 minutes

Everybody who can tune a MySQL server in 5 minutes please raise your hands !

yes that's just a ridiculus blog title to attract traffic ... Rudd-O tells us about 5 variables that might have impact on the performance of your database , but really how long does it take you to do a real analysis of where the problems are lying , and how to fix it.. I bet it's more than 5 minutes.